One of the main principles of modern life is maintenance of normal relations between people and aspiration to avoid conflicts. In their turn, respect and attention can be deserved only by observance of politeness and restraint. Therefore nothing is as appreciated by people surrounding us as politeness and delicacy. But in life we quite often face with roughness, sharpness, disrespect for the person from another person.
The behavior culture of a person is external expression of his spiritual riches, skills to communicate with people. Quite often education of the person is judged only by his manners.
What qualities are inherent in the cultural, well-mannered person? They are erudition, professionalism, high spirituality, decency, intelligence.
To help in trouble, to help disinterestedly in a difficult minute, to offer something important to another man, not even very close, and at times even a stranger, not to spare his time and effort for him - all this is the norm of behaviour for well-bred, noble people.
When communicating with people, it is necessary to take into account their mental warehouse, the private world and to try to find a correct line of conduct for everyone. Dialogue with the mistrustful person demands care, patience. With whimsical people quiet tone and ignoring their whims are necessary. The irony precipitates the self-satisfied, but it is unreasonable to use it when you deal with a timid person. It is impossible to expect an instant reaction from a phlegmatic person, and you can hardly hope a choleric person to remain imperturbable in a critical situation.
A well-bred person is always polite, delicate, and benevolent towards people surrounding him. The tactfulness is inherent in him. He correctly reacts to the behaviour of the other person, understands his condition, is ready to support in a difficult minute, and avoids conversations which may be unpleasant to somebody, does not show any superiority, and does not show his well-being in the presence of people who have been less lucky. The tactful person shows neither excessive sympathy, nor the obvious hostility to certain people because it may put in an inconvenient situation not only them, but also their associates. Exhibiting intimate feelings for a general review, excessive curiosity, reading another man's letters quite often borders on tactlessness. It is inadmissible to deride physical defects of people, to overhear other people's conversations, to write anonymous letters.
The major quality of well-bred people is modesty. A modest person is self-critical and demanding towards himself, does not overestimate his own opportunities and abilities. He does not aspire to be allocated externally: he will not put on extravagant clothes, will not talk loudly in the bus, will not start bragging of his merits. But excessive modesty and shyness are not always good. A timid person tends to underestimate his own forces, has difficulty adapting in a collective, is afraid to undertake responsible business. ‘He who speaks only about himself, thinks only about himself’, states D. Karnegi. ‘And the man who thinks only of himself is hopelessly ill-bred. He is ill-bred, no matter how well educated he is’.
The most attractive of merits is sincerity. But only in combination with other qualities - with restraint and delicacy. It is bad if, for example, anybody, without giving it another thought, simply tells a woman who is not so young, that she looks like an old hag.
Accuracy is one of displays of politeness, respect for the man. It is necessary to protect both yours and another man's time. Sometimes a wasted hour will not be made up for in a year.
One of the main elements of politeness is the skill to remember names.
Never say, "I shall prove to you that and that", it sounds as if you have said, "I am cleverer than you, I am going to tell you something that will force you to change your opinion".
Ease, naturalness, feeling of measure, politeness, tactfulness, and the main thing benevolence towards people are qualities which will easily help you in any vital situations, even when you are not familiar with any of the fine etiquette rules of which there is a great variety in the world.
Kharkiv Market Economy and Management Institute,